Wakeup call
by Kelly76
Summary: When Ziva is afraid to lose Tony forever she admits her true feelings. My attempt at putting TIVA together ;
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This was supposed to be a One-Shot but it turned out a little longer than expected. That's why I decided to turn it into a ficlet. I'm a proud Tiva fan and I'm waiting more or less patiently for them to finally become a couple on the show. Here's my attempt to how that could happen. I'm from germany which is why my english isn't the best. Please be kind... Read and review.

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**Chapter 1**

„Am I speaking to Agent Ziva David?"

Ziva instantly knew that something was terribly wrong. "Yes" she answered shortly.

"It's the Memorial hospital. We've got an Agent Anthony DiNozzo here and you're the one that should be contacted in case of emergency"

She was trained to hide her emotions but she couldn't stop her hands from shaking. "I'm...Is he ..." she couldn't bring herself to ask it. Instead she asked with an unsteady voice "what happened?" not really sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"I'm not sure what happened, the only thing I know is that Agent DiNozzo has stopped his car on the parking lot of the hospital before he passed out. He was shot ..." the man at the other end of the line stopped speaking for a second. Then he continued "...and you better come here as soon as possible." He knew that the woman had understood was he was implying. They weren't sure if Agent DiNozzo would make it.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Gibbs came out of Jenny's office, not sure how he could tell his team that Tony had been shot. He was about to go down the stairs but when his gaze found Ziva he knew that she already knew. The way her hands were shaking when she put down the telephone and the way her gaze flickered across the room and then landed on him made it clear that she was close to break down. Of course she wouldn't do that, she was trained to be an agent first and only on second base a human being. But he had known her long enough by now to know better.

She had changed since she came to the US and that Tony was the one she might lose was probably one of the few things that could trigger a reaction. He wasn't stupid. The way Tony and Ziva were looking at each other, the teasing and the flirting, their jealousy and even their little fights gave them away. He wasn't sure if THEY had already realized that they were in love with each other, but HE knew.

With a few steps he was by her side, putting his arm around her shoulder and giving it a soft squeeze to tell her that he was by her side through this. At the same time he called out to McGee "Get up. We have to get to the hospital. Tony's been shot". He inwardly smiled when Tim jumped up off the chair and grabbed his gun, running to the elevator. With all the teasing and fighting, his team was still always sticking together, no matter what. He entered the elevator and there was just one thought that was in his head "He can't die. He's a part of us, we can't lose him"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"What's taking them so long?" Ziva asked nobody in particular, pacing down the floor in front of the OP for what felt to her like the millionth time. When the huge door that led to the surgeries opened around an hour later, she felt like she would pass out every minute when she saw the blood on the doctor's scrub. Tony's blood...on the scrub and on the doctor's hands... She closed her eyes for a second before she looked back to the doctor and then asked with a hoarse voice "Is he okay?"

It felt like hours but were only mere seconds before the doctor answered her question. "We' re not sure yet. He made it through surgery but the next 24 hours will be critical. If he's still alive tomorrow at this time, he has a good chance to survive. But he has to wake up soon or else..." Ziva tried hard to fight back the urge to just kill that man who was standing in front of her and was talking about Tony like he was just a number on his statistic.

"Can I see him?" she asked, the urge to kill the doctor even stronger when he shook his head.

"No, you can't. He's at Intensive Care Unit now and he has to stay there for a while. And you're no relatives, so..."

Gibbs cut him off with a voice that made it clear that he wouldn't take no as an answer. "She will go and stay with him in his room." When the doctor tried to say something, Gibbs added with a stern voice "One of my agents was shot and we're not sure yet what has happened. That's why Agent David stays with him to protect him." He turned to Ziva and in a commanding tone he said "Agent David, you're gonna make sure that Agent DiNozzo is safe here" _She would have probably made every one crazy if she couldn't stay here _he thought to himself. When the doctor just sighed and motioned for Ziva to follow him, Gibbs added in a low voice "Call us", winking at her.

"Thanks Boss" she said, hurrying after the doctor.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

"McGee, Tony's Apartment, now!" At the shocked look on Tims face, Gibbs sighed and added "Sorry! But we have to find out what happened to Tony" when he saw the reluctance of Tim to leave the hospital, he patted his shoulder lightly. "We can't do anything for him if we stay here, McGee. We better find out what happened, okay? I'll take his car and you take his apartment."

McGee sighed. "Yes Boss" he said quietly. He knew that Gibbs was right but it still felt wrong to leave Tony. Sometimes, Tony could be a real pain in the ass but he still felt like part of the family for Tim. Like the older brother that makes you crazy but who you still love and look up to. He stood up slowly and left the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

She stopped dead in her tracks and couldn't help but let out a little gasp when she entered the room and saw Tony lying motionless on that bed, the white of the bedclothes and the walls making him look even more pale. She swallowed hard, grasping at the wall behind her for support while an icy ball formed at the pit of her stomach and spread through her body. It tore her apart to see him like this. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed loudly and hurried to the side of his bed. She choked back a sudden sob, not bothering to wipe away the tear that was making it's way down her face and leaned down and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Then she whispered into his ear "You have to get better, do you hear me?" She looked at him as if she hoped for a sign that he had heard her but of course nothing came. It didn't happen often but Ziva was scared as hell. With all the wires that seemed to come directly out of him, Tony looked like he was already dead and she couldn't tell when the last time had been that she had felt so helpless. Not letting her gaze stray from his face, she reached backwards and pulled a chair nearby and sat down. She took his hand in hers and softly stroked it with her thumb, careful not to pull out the needle of the drip infusion. She looked at Tonys face as if she had to memorize each line on his face and couldn't help but smile when she remembered the first time they had met.

"You know, when I saw you for the first time, I thought that you were hot and it was fun to tease you but I never would've thought that one day we would be friends. The best friends" she broke off with a choked sob and added with a nostalgic smile on her face "And I always felt safe when you were with me. When I was still at Mossad my partners were better trained but with them I never had that sense of safety you gave me."

She spent the next hours sitting there and just watching him, but nothing changed. When the nurse came the next morning to check if everything was okay, Ziva woke up startled, realizing that she had fallen asleep with her head on the bed.

"What happened? Is everything okay?" she asked nervously.

"He hasn't regained consciousness yet, that's not a good sign" the nurse answered with a shrug. Ziva clenched her fists and tried hard to stay calm. But when the nurse left the room, Ziva looked back at Tony and she suddenly had the sinking feeling in her stomach that she would better say goodbye to him, that it could be her last chance to do so. She didn't notice that tears had started to fall when she felt memories flood her. "You sure gave me a hard time sometimes with all your teasing." she chuckled to herself when she remembered their banters. "I can still see you jumping up when we were at the sexual harrasment meeting and I licked your ear." she smiled through her tears and then swallowed hard when she looked at him and realized that maybe they wouldn't have those kind of moments anymore. "You can't die. I simply not allow you to, do you get that? Remember what you told me? _Couldn't live without you, I guess_, those words you said to me once are still engraved in my mind. So why do you expect me to be able to do so?" She pondered that thought for a moment and then blinked at the realization that she WASN'T. She smiled lovingly at the face she knew so well. "That's right, I can't live without you. And you know why? Because I'm in love with you. I'm not sure why I never realized why it pissed me off to see you with other women. Maybe I didn't WANT to realize it because that makes everything a lot more complicated. But if I'm honest to myself I thought about you and me and our chances to be together for a long time now. Remember the day we got boxed in? When i fired my gun and then the bullett almost hit us and I was laying on top of you? I think that's the first time I wanted to kiss you. And when I was just back to Washington and I had to make the tests to get back into NCIS? You were standing there with McGee and we talked about how to get a grip on the suspect for a minute and then you gave me that look that made my whole body tingle. To tell the truth, I think that you were the only one that ever made me feel like that. Maybe we should've just taken the opportunity when we were in Paris. You know, we could've easily turned fake into reality and nobody would've noticed. I wish we would've done that cause now it might be too late for me to tell you all those things and I'll maybe never know how it feels to be so close to you." She inhaled deeply and said bitterly "that's not true, if you wake up again, I'll probably still won't tell you. And not because I don't know what you're feeling –although of course that's part of the problem – but Gibbs would never forgive us and..." realizing that she was starting to ramble she stopped speaking and exhaled deeply " that's another lie. The truth is that I'm not sure if I CAN love you the way you deserve it. I wasn't trained to love. I can act, I can sleep with somebody to get informations. I can fake being in love for an undercover op. But I'm not sure how to be when you're in a relationship. The only relationship I had was with Michael, who was an assasin and that relationship probably wasn't real at all. So I'm helpless here." she leaned down and kissed his hand softly. "But you have to wake up for me, okay? You have to. I want to tell you again how sorry I am for blaming you when you shot Michael. And maybe someday I'll have the guts to tell you my feelings. And who should correct my english mistakes? Without you, I'll still make them in years, you don't want that, do you?" she sniffled before she put her head down on the bed next to his hand and cried silently for all the missed chances.

* * *

In the beginning, everything was a thick gray fog. Eventually, the vaguest impressions started to creep into his awareness. And then all of a sudden, one voice was clear. He could clearly hear the voice of Ziva, talking to him softly. He wanted to speak or move to dry her tears but found he couldn't and instead he fell back into darkness.

The next morning Ziva woke up startled when she heard Tony groan. She couldn't hide the big grin that was spreading across her face when she looked at him and saw that his eyes were open. Then she saw that they were filled with pain and she said with a half-grin "You stay here, I'll go and get you a doctor". She hurried out of the room and when she saw a doctor standing in the hallway, she dragged him away from the nurse he was just talking to and by his arm into Tony's room without a word.

"Miss" the doctor pulled her hand away from his arm and said sternly "You can't just drag me in here. What's the matter?" When Ziva just pointed to the bed he smiled at Tony. He shot another disapproving glance in Ziva's direction before he turned back to Tony and said brightly "Well, nice to see you back." Hearing Tony groan, the doctor smiled. "Now that you're awake, I suppose you'd like some more pain medication?" he asked

"Yes" Tony croaked out, grateful when shortly later he felt some blessed relief sweep through his body. "Ziva?" he mumbled sleepily.

"I'm here, Tony" Ziva reassured him with a soothing voice.

"Don't leave. Please?"

"I'm not going anywhere" she promised, sitting down next to him again and taking his hand in hers again.

"Good" that was all the energy that was left before he faded away into sleep.

Except for the few minutes when she called Gibbs, telling him that Tony woke up and promising him that she would call when something happened, she never left Tony's room, most of the time just staring at his face, thankful had he hadn't died.

* * *

The next time Tony awoke, he was much more aware of his surroundings. Ziva was sitting next to his bed and taking a closer look at her, his heart felt heavy when he relized how utterly worn out and distressed her appearance was. A smile lit up her face when she noticed that his eyes were open.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" she asked softly, her voice full of concern.

"Like I got shot" he said wryly, making Ziva laugh in spite of herself. "How long was I out?" he asked.

Ziva shrugged in an obviously forced manner. "Just 2 days" she said.

Tony could hear it in her voice that she was trying to put on a brave face. But before he could say anything a doctor wandered into the room.

"I see you have decided to join us again. You had a lot of luck. Can you tell me what happened to you? What can you remember?"

Tony groaned softly and said weakly "I was just opening the door of my car when there was this guy. I think he wanted money but I'm not sure about that. Before I knew what was going on he shot me. I knew that my only chance was to get here as fast as possible but when I got out of my car in front of the hospital everything went black. The next thing I can remember is her voice talking to me. And I think it was the next morning when I woke up" he finished, looking Ziva in the eyes.

_Oh please not_ was all she could think after she had realized that him hearing her voice had been when she'd spilled her feelings out. He wasn't supposed to hear that! She wasn't sure if she wanted to throw up or simply die from embarassment. But she knew that she needed to get out of this room "I'll go and call Gibbs" she said and hurried out of the room, hoping to find a hole to swallow her.

"Ziva, don't" he said with a scratchy voice but she was already gone.

* * *

"McGee, it's Ziva. I tried to call Gibbs but he didn't answer his phone. Tony woke up."

"Ziva that's great! And we've got him." Tim answered.

"You've got who?" Ziva asked confused.

"The man that shot Tony. We had his fingerprints at the door of Tony's car. Apparently it was just a robbery."

"I'm coming." she said hastily and was about to hang up when McGee spoke up again.

"Why? You can stay with Tony. Gibbs is already interviewing him but the case is clear. I'm sure Tony wants you there."

"No, I...I'm coming over." she put down the phone and sighed shakily. She was happy that Tony had made it and the knot that had been in her stomach since the call from the hospital had vanished. But at the same time she wasn't sure how she could ever again look at Tony. She just wasn't one to open up and she never wanted him to hear what she had said. But with Tony on the verge of death she had clearly seen the feelings she had for her partner. Or at least she had finally admitted them to herself and just in case that he wouldn't wake up she couldn't hide them any longer and had to tell him. And now that was going to bite her in the ass.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews, I always love to read them. Here's the next part ;)

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**Chapter 3**

She had successfully managed to stay away from the hospital for over 2 weeks now. Everyday she had found another 'urgent task' that she had to do when one of the others had left to visit Tony. But now she felt like she was trapped. Gibbs had just told her that Tony had asked about her and he told her that she could do her paperwork (which was her expedient of the day) the next day and instead visit Tony.

When she only nodded bleakly, Gibbs asked with a sigh "Is everything alright? Did you two fight again?"

"No, everything's great." She muttered. Deciding that she at least not wanted to go visit Tony on her own, she turned to McGee and asked "Tim, would you come with me visit Tony?"

McGee wrinkled his eyebrows when he heard her call him Tim. He wanted to say no but when he saw the pleading in her eyes, he said "Okay, I'll come."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

McGee was wondering what had happened to Ziva. She looked nervous when they arrived at the hospital and when they had entered Tony's room she acted like she was on some kind of drug. She had chattily asked Tony if he was alright and if he needed something, avoiding eye contact with him the whole time.

Tim knew that something had happened between the two because Tony hadn't been any better. His gaze hadn't left Ziva for a second and when Tim had tried to make some small talk his answers had been short. Tim observed his two co-workers closely. Tony being quiet and Ziva being a chatterbox couldn't mean anything good.

When silence filled the room and nobody said a word, Tim looked at Tony who was staring at Ziva and then he looked at Ziva who was fiddling with her fingernails and looked down.

"Okay, would anybody please tell me what happened to you? Tony, you are never quiet, you can talk the whole day if nobody stops you. And Ziva, since when do you care so much about your fingernails?"

Without leaving Ziva with his eyes, Tony said to McGee "Tim, would you give us a second?" McGee nodded, standing up from his chair and was about to leave the room when Ziva stopped him.

"No wait, it's okay. I have to leave now anyway." Ziva said hastily and put her hand on Tim's arm to stop him from leaving.

"Ziva, please." Tony pleaded.

Furrowing his eyebrows when Ziva tried to avoid to be left alone with Tony, McGee looked from one to the other and said "I'll wait outside."

"No, that's not necessary, I..." she stopped speaking when McGee left the room and closed the door behind him. "Fuck!" she muttered under her breath, making Tony let out a little laugh. She closed her eyes for a second and then she slowly turned around and said "I'll leave now, okay? Cause I've got a lot of work to do and..."

"Ziva" Tony cut her off softly with just one word. He added gently "You can't run forever"

"I'm a good runner" she stated defiantly, making him chuckle. She inhaled deeply and rubbed her eyes with her hand, trying her best to avoid his gaze. "Okay, listen. I never meant to let you hear any of that, okay? I thought that you were going to die and ... would you please just forget what I said?" Finally bringing her gaze up to meet his, she smiled softly before she whispered just loud enough for him to hear "I'm really happy that you made it." before she swiftly opened the door and was out of the room before he could say anything.

"Ziva, wait!" Tony called out and when he realized that she probably couldn't hear him anymore, he grumbled "God, that woman is so stubborn!", making McGee laugh when he stuck his head in at the door

"Did you realize that just now?" Tim asked, letting out a little laugh when Tony glared at him. "What happened between you and Ziva?" he asked carefully as soon as he had re-entered the room. "I mean, I'm used to you two fighting and I'm used to you flirting with each other and I know your teasing. But I've never see you two like that."

Tony was sure that Ziva wouldn't be happy about him sharing with McGee what had happened. But he needed to talk about it and so he decided to just give it a go. He sighed and said "I'm not sure but I think that she was alone with me when I was still..." not sure how to call it he stopped speaking for a second and decided on the easiest word. "...sleeping" When McGee just nodded, Tony continued "thought so already. Anyway, I heard her talking. I can't really explain to you what it was like but I could hear her talking. It sounded like she wanted to say goodbye to me and that makes sense now cause apparently she thought that I was going to die and it looks like I wasn't supposed to hear the things she said to me."

After a few seconds of pondering that information and thinking about things that could've been left unsaid between them which would make her ashamed if Tony knew, Tim smiled. "Am I right if I assume that it has to do with your flirting and her feelings for you?" When Tony just looked surprised, Tim shrugged his shoulders and said "I think everyone around you two knows in about 3 seconds that there's something between you. And I'm probably right if I say you didn't get a chance to talk to her yet?"

"You've seen her. She avoids being around me and if she can't help it, she just keeps staring at the floor or acts like some crazy Stepford women. I'm not sure what to do" Tony finished defeated.

"What do you want to do? What would you've told her if she hadn't left?" Tim asked.

"I'm not sure." Tony answered truthfully.

"You know, you should think about that first. Try to decide if you even want to be with her or if you don't want to. Because you can't make her talk to you and then you don't know what to say." Tim said. A grin appeared on his face and he said "we came here in my car. I wonder what she's doing now"

Tony half-smiled "She won't come in here again at any cost. She could've picked the lock of your car..." at the look on McGee's face he added "but I don't think so. She's either waiting outside or she just left without you."

Tim stood up. "Then it's better I leave now. I'll go and check on her." _and on my car_ he added silently.

Tony nodded "Okay. And thanks for coming by and...you know"

McGee smiled and nodded and then left the room, leaving Tony with his thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**I know, I know! I promised to have it up yesterday but after re-reading it, I changed a few things. And remember that I'm german and that everytime I write something, I have to translate everything into english later. That's why it took me a while to wrap it up, but here you go;) I hope you like it. And btw, I love to read reviews :D

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**Chapter 4**

Ziva walked down the street to the headquarter when she saw McGee driving up the driveway. She sighed, knowing that he would ask her why she hadn't waited for him at the hospital.

The car came to a halt next to her and sticking his head out of the window, Tim asked "Why did you just leave?"

"I've got a headache and needed the fresh air" she lied half-heartedly, knowing that he had of course noticed her earlier strange behaviour.

"Okay" McGee just nodded, knowing that she would talk to him if she wanted to.

She waited for the elevator to come and sighed when McGee walked up to her after he had parked his car. He looked at her and pondered the information Tony had just given him. That something was between Ziva and Tony that couldn't be described as friendship-only wasn't really a revelation for Tim. He wasn't blind. He was sure that everybody knew that who had seen them together. What he wasn't sure about was if he really liked that they were suddenly going down a path that could, if they tried the couple thing and it didn't work out, destroy the whole team. Ziva felt more than only slightly disturbed by the stares McGee was giving her but she decided to ignore them, thinking that he probably was trying to find a reason for her strange behaviour at the hospital.

The ride with the elevator was short but way too long for Ziva's likening. Dreading sitting face-to-face to McGee, she didn't step out and said "You know what, I'll go and see if Abby has something for us.", smiling a fake smile at Tim while the doors of the elevator closed. As soon as they were closed the smile faded from her lips and she rubbed her hands harshly across her face. When she stepped out of the elevator she was happy to see that Abby was nowhere in sight. _Not a bad place to hide_ she thought and got down to the floor, sighing deeply and bringing her knees to her face. Only a few minutes later, she was lost in thoughts and never heard the footsteps that were coming closer and then were stopping next to her. She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, is everything okay with you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out." Abby said concerned. She studied Ziva's face for a few seconds and then stated. "You look like crap. What happened? Tony's alright, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is." Ziva mumbled.

"Then why are you acting so weird?" Abby asked.

"What, me acting weird has to do something with Tony?" Ziva snapped. Seeing that she had shocked her friend without a reason, she said quietly "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so rude. I'm just...I don't know" she rubbed her face harshly. _If you don't stop doing that you will peel your skin off one day_ she thought dryly.

"Ziva, tell me what happened." Abby said.

The room fell quiet while Ziva was asking herself if she wanted to tell anybody what had happened. Then she decided to spill everything, knowing that her friend would at least try to help her without any judgement. "He heard me talking." Ziva elaborated as if that would explain everything.

"Yeah, I can see why this is bothering you", Abby said sarcastically. "And who heard you? And isn't that the reason you talk, so that somebody hears it? " she asked confused.

Ziva groaned when she saw that of course Abby couldn't know what that mattered and she added "Tony, at the hospital. He was lying in that bed and the nurse was all 'not a good sign, he probably won't make it' and that's why I thought he was going to die. And I talked and told him about my feelings and now he woke up and..." she stopped, not comfortable with giving so much away.

Trying in vain to supress the exited giggles that came out of her mouth, Abby squealed "Oh my God, Ziva! That's so great! Finally! You know, everybody around you two knew that..." The glare she got from Ziva stopped her speech. "Okay, I get that you are not really happy about spilling your feelings because you don't talk a lot about feelings and such stuff...but now that he knows you two can be together...although of course you don't know for sure about his feelings...but I can tell you that he's been drooling about you for a long time now...well,of course he hasn't said anything so that could mean...but on the other hand you haven't said anything as well until now..."

"Abby" Ziva said sternly, cutting off Abby's rambling. "I can go so you can continue talking to yourself if you want me to."

"No, I'm done." Abby quipped. "What are you doing now?" she asked.

"I absolutely don't know. What do you think why I'm hiding in here? McGee was with me at the hospital and now he's giving me those 'I-wonder-what-could-have-happened-between-them' noisy stares. And Tony tried to talk to me but I sure as hell didn't want to hear it, that's why I left and walked here from the hospital. I don't know what to do" she finished, feeling exhausted like she had just run a marathon.

"Why don't you want to talk to Tony?" Abby asked surprised.

"Because it's Tony." Ziva stated matter of factly. "You know, the Tony that probably doesn't even remember the name of the last girl he slept with. The Tony that makes fun of everything and everyone. He won't let me hear the end of that, I'll probably hide in here for the next years" she finished, making Abby grin at the last part.

"Well, my lab is your lab" she joked, stopping the giggles that had escaped her mouth when Ziva glared at her. "You know that there's another side of Tony" Abby said reassuringly. "He's that cute, charming, funny guy who can be annoying as hell sometimes but on the inside he has a soft spot, he can be sensitive and cares for the ones he love. And when you were gone and he thought that you were dead, you should have seen him. He was like a lost puppy."

"I know that he has those other attributes as well, Abby. But I just can't see him NOT teasing and harrassing me about that, you know? I'll just wait and I'm sure that he will forget what happened sooner or later." _Yeah, right! That will surely happen. He'll just forget it_ the little voice inside her head taunted her. She took a deep breath, trying to overcome the sudden feeling of nausea deep in her stomach. "Thanks, Abby. I'll go now" with that, Ziva left the lab, leaving a stunned Abby behind.

"Oh, finally! They'll be so damn cute together" Abby murmured under her breath, a huge smile on her face.

* * *

Three weeks later Tim was at the lab, talking to Abby.

"You wouldn't believe the way they are acting" McGee said with a sigh. "Tony's been back to work for almost a week now and she's still avoiding him as much as she can. It's not like she's so distraught that she can't concentrate. When we're working on a case, she's giving her full attention. But there are no fights, no teasing, no flirting. She's... I think I would call it cooly polite. Even Gibbs knows that something is wrong. And I don't think that he'll just accept that kind of behaviour for much longer. He was shooting her glares that made ME afraid. And I'm not sure if I can stand it for another day as well. I wish we could do something. I mean, she can't just ignore him forever."

"Well, why don't we force them to talk?" Abby asked McGee and looking at her big smile he could see that she was up to something.

"What ever you have in mind, I'm game" he said.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here's the next part, I hope that you like it. I'm not sure if I ever saw the door to Abby's lab. If it's different on the show just chalk it up to creative license please. And you'll see that Jeanne is part of this. I really hated that woman and not only because she was standing in the way of Tony and Ziva. I just couldn't stand seeing her and to me, it never felt like Tony really loved her. But of course that's just my opinion. If you liked her then don't worry. I won't bash her or anything, I just wrote down what Tony was feeling IN MY OPINION. Feel free to disagree ;)  


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**Chapter 5**

It was Friday and Ziva glanced at her watch and was relieved to see that it was late enough so she could call it quits and enjoy her weekend without having to think about Tony or trying to avoid him_. 'Yeah, as if you could forget what happened'_ the little voice inside of her taunted her. She let out a deep sigh and got ready to leave the office when her phone was ringing. She looked at the Caller ID and groaned when she saw Abby's name flash on the display. She wasn't in the mood to discuss the Tony topic any further and she was sure that Abby would try to talk to her about that. But she knew that Abby could maybe have something job related to tell her so she picked up the phone and said hesitantly "Yes Abby, what's up?"

"You and Tony have to come down here, I have to show you something." Abby said brightly, causing Ziva to sigh again. Abby sensed her hesitation and added "You gave me the white stuff that was on the victim's pillow and I finally found something. And you will not believe it."

Ziva let out another sigh. She so didn't want to have to be around Tony. But she knew that Gibbs wouldn't accept her not agreeing to be around him and she knew that she would get in trouble if she now refused to go see Abby with Tony. "I'm on my way" she said quietly and grabbed her backpack, deciding that she would leave the building as soon as she could. She turned around to Tony and said with a low voice "Abby called. She's got something she wants to show us"

Tony smiled at her when she talked to him but that smile faded when he saw that her eyes were still avoiding him. He inwardly groaned and decided that he would go over to her apartment tonight to talk to her to make it impossible for her to avoid him any longer.

The ride in the elevator was quiet, none of them said one single word. They entered the lab and looked around, trying to find Abby.

"Abby?" Ziva called out and was startled when she heard the door getting closed. She turned around, expecting to find Abby but instead she saw through the door's small window that Abby and McGee were in front of the closed door. "Abby, what the hell..." Ziva turned to Tony, ready to kill him after assuming that he was the initiator of the situation she was stuck in. She realized that he wasn't when she saw the unbelieving look he gave her before he went to the door and tried in vain to open it.

"What are you doing?" he asked loudly and when he realized that Abby and McGee couldn't hear him through the thick door he turned around and looked at Ziva and then back at the door, the look on his face almost making Ziva laugh despite the situation. When her cell was ringing, she looked at the display and saw 'Abby' flashing on the display. Pushing the button she asked angry "Abby, what the hell are you doing?"

"You don't talk and to be honest, you two are driving the rest of us nuts. That's why you'll stay here until you talk and..."

Ziva cut her off harshly "Abby, would you stop that nonsense and open the door. We're not in kindergarten here."

"I'm sorry Ziva, but I won't. You can't avoid Tony forever. Talk to him. I don't care if you get together or not, but stop making us crazy. Oh, there's a pizza in the next room and also blankets. Just in case you have to stay the night. And Jim from security knows about this, so don't bother calling him. Bye..."

Ziva stared at the phone in shock before she turned to Tony. "They are locking us up until we talk." she said disbelievingly. She shot him a glare when she saw that he wasn't really mad about the whole thing.

"Well, at least you look at me and talk to me again" Tony chuckled, earning himself another glare. "Hey, don't kill me. I'm not the one who locked the door. But I have to admit that I have thought about ways to get you to talk to me and this is playing into my hands" Letting out a little laugh, he added "although I have to admit that I didn't want it this way."

"So you think that's funny, huh?" she growled.

"Funny is not the word I would've used."

"And how on earth will they know IF we talked?" she wondered out loud. It's not like they have any cameras or micros in here. So how..."

"I think they do" Tony cut her off and pointed to the Webcam that was on top of the screen next to them, overlooking the whole room, the little red light blinking indicating that it was running. "Well, looks like we got ourselves into a red light scenario" he chuckled but decided to better keep his mouth shut when he saw Ziva roll her eyes and huff at his words.

Ziva shook her head. "I can't believe that!" she said. "What are we doing now?" she asked.

"I'll definitely use this chance. You can't run away from me this time." Tony said calmly. Of course this wasn't what he had planned but he would take what he could get.

"I haven't been running away" she said stubbornly.

"Sure you have. You haven't talked to me anymore. You can't even look at me anymore. And I'm not really sure why" he said with a low voice.

"Oh please, are you trying to give me some amnesia shit?" Ziva asked angry. "Listen, I said this before. You weren't supposed to hear any of those words, okay? I thought you were dying..."

"So I have to wait to get shot again to make you talk to me?" he asked, causing her to smile at least a little bit before she was serious again.

"That will happen faster as you think cause the next time I will shoot you if you ever do such crap again." when he just raised his eyebrow and looked at her questioningly, she asked "Why the hell did you drive to the hospital alone? You could've called me. I was freaking out when I got that call. And by the way, why am I your emergency contact?" she demanded to know.

You are the closest to me" he said softly. Seeing a hint of a smile appear on her face he took a step closer to her. "You have been for years now. And you know what? I know what you were feeling when you got that call. I had that feeling when I thought you were dead in Somalia. Back then, I thought that I should've told you so much and that now it's too late. But then...when we were back in DC, I pushed that thought out of my head."

"Why?" Ziva asked, inwardly holding her breath.

"I had you back with me and I thought..." he shrugged his shoulders uneasily.

"...that there would be enough time left?" she questioned.

"Yeah, maybe. But there's also Gibbs and I didn't know what you were thinking" he said haltingly. "I mean, of course we were teasing each other and flirting a little bit. But I still wasn't sure."

"I know what you mean" she smiled gently.

"I know, I listened closely" he teased her and regretted his words as soon as they had left his mouth.

She could feel her cheeks getting warm when she recalled her words and the shame and anger crept back in. "You see, that was exactly what I was afraid of as soon as I knew that you had heard my words" she murmured. "I knew that I would never hear the end of it."

"I'm sorry" he said quietly, mentally slapping himself. "I didn't mean to..."

She cut him off. "No, don't be sorry. It's my fault. I don't know why I was thinking that you wouldn't behave like a stupid child like usual"

"Then why do you love me if I'm such a stupid child?" he asked and she could hear that she had hurt him.

"I wish I knew" she muttered under her breath but deep down she knew that he had enough attributes that made her love him.

Realizing that now wasn't the right time to act like the child she apparently expected him to be, he took a deep breath and decided to just ignore the statement, no matter how hurt he was about it. "You know, you just jumped to conclusion, you never even asked me about my feelings for you."

"I'm not sure if I want to hear that" she said.

Ignoring that, Tony said "I had a lot of time thinking about it at the hospital after McGee had asked me what I wanted." When he saw the angry look she gave him as soon as she had figured out that he had told McGee everything, he shrugged his shoulders helplessly "I had to talk to anyone, didn't I? And you were running away instead. And besides, it looks like YOU told Abby everything." Before she could state that it had been her who had made a fool of herself and that because of that fact she reserved the right to tell anybody she wanted, he continued "Anyway, I've been thinking about us, our flirting and the tension between us. The jealousy I felt when I saw you getting closer to another man or when I knew that you had a date. And I realized that I was just afraid, Ziva." he took a deep breath and his voice was wavering. "I love you. I've been in love with you for a long time now." He relaxed a little when she looked him in the eyes for the first time since that day at the hospital. "When I was with Jeanne, I thought that maybe she could help me to get the thoughts about you out of my head. At one point, I even thought that I had fallen for her. But when we were over, I realized that I didn't care about her." The disbelieving look from her eyes made him grin. "I know that it didn't look like it back then. But the truth is that there were a lot of feelings when that thing with Jeanne ended. But Love was never one of them. I never missed her or felt sad for losing her. I felt bad because I hurt her a lot and not missing her made me mad at myself because I knew deep down that it was because of my feelings for you. And I never wanted to feel that way about you."

"Why?" she asked with a low voice, he could barely hear her.

"You're not one of those dumb girls I pick up at a bar and take them home with me. You're my partner and also my best friend. And I was afraid that sooner or later I would screw that" he motioned between them "...us up. And I was afraid that I would lose you then. But not anymore." he said vehemently, stepping closer to her.

Ziva looked at him questioningly while at the same time she felt a thrill shoot through her body from his words. "What not anymore? You don't think that you'll screw up? Or you know that you'll screw up but don't think about losing me in the progress? Or there are no more feelings for me?"

Tony chuckled slightly. "Hey, I haven't lost my mind. I got shot in the chest, not in the head." He loved the smile that played on her lips after that statement. "What I mean is that I can spend the next years hiding my feelings and then something might happen to one of us and I would have to regret forever that I haven't told you what you mean to me. And I don't want that. And given what we do for a living, the possibilities that something happens to one of us are big." The look of confusion on her face made him smile and he took another step closer to her. "I felt that bullet get into my body and I had the taste of blood in my mouth and I knew that I could die right there and then. And the only regret that I had was that I had never admitted my feelings for you."

"That taste of blood you had in your mouth came from the internal bleeding, but they stitched it up." Ziva scrunched her nose _Where did that come from?_ she asked herself silently. She was nervous, that's how simple it was. She knew that the talk they were having could change everything.

Tony chuckled "Not the part that was most important to me. But thank you for that information." he teased her, eliciting a little nervous laugh from her. He took another step closer to her and took her hand, relieved when she didn't pull it back or used one of her ninja skills to kill him here and now. _Well, at least this time you told her everything before dieing._ He chuckled to himself as that thought crossed his mind. "I love you, Ziva. I want you to know that if something happens to one of us." he said softly, leaning forward, a part of him expecting her to shy away. When she didn't he moved his lips to her and the second his mouth met hers, he was lost.

It only lasted a few seconds but Ziva couldn't help but close her eyes when she felt his lips caressing hers. He had kissed her before when they were on that undercover op but this one little kiss was better than all the making out in paris. She didn't know back then how much of himself he had held back while kissing her. It had been nice kisses that even made her heart flutter a little bit and showed without a doubt that he knew what to do. But this time there wasn't a routinated skill, no forceful pressing of his lips against hers. Instead she felt softness and even a little insecurety. She felt like she was getting lost in that kiss quickly and when Tony pulled away she let out a small moan of displeasure, making him smile.

She opened her eyes and bit her bottom lip. She had never felt comfortable talking about her feelings but she knew that he wasn't one to talk about his feelings as well and after he had opened up, she knew that he deserved her trust. Looking him in the eyes she silently decided that he deserved the truth. "You're not the only one who is afraid." she revealed with a low voice. "I've never had a real relationship except for a short encounter with a little thirteen year old boy when I was twelve. And I'm sure a children's love can not be claimed as a relationship. After that, I had dates, even sometimes more than once with the same man. I had faked relationships with men to get informations or other stuff. Even one with a woman. I had something close to a relationship with an assasin." She didn't want to speak out Michael's name and she didn't need to when she saw the shadow flicker in Tony's eyes for a split second. "And I had sex with men. Different men and..."

"I get it" Tony cut her off with a slight edge to his voice. He SO didn't want to hear something about her having sex with other men.

She grinned. "Sorry. I just want to make it clear that this ... the whole being in love thing... is new to me. And I'm not sure how it works. I've never been the kind of girl who has been dreaming her whole life about somebody who can make her feel giddy and as if there are a whole lot of mots in her stomach and..."

"Butterflies" he corrected automatically, grinning at the mistake.

She rolled her eyes and continued undeterred "and now that it has happened, I don't know what to do. I feel helpless and I don't like feeling so unsure."

He smiled at the fact that she had just told him that HE made her feel giddy and caused 'mots' in her stomach. "Why are you unsure?" he asked, pulling her closer by her hand that was still laying securely in his hand. "You should've known better than to think I could resist you."

Just when she was about to answer him, Ziva was startled when Tony suddenly held up his hand to quiet her and then stared at her with an expression she hadn't seen before. "Wait a moment. Did you say you..." a grin appeared on his face. "Would you please tell me more about that relationship you had with a woman?"


End file.
